Severus Snape And The Deflowering Of The Defence Teachers
by loverofeevee
Summary: Obvious M/M here, with a couple of M/F scenes thrown in to balance it out. Also a tiny bit of swearing. Basically just as it says in the title. Severus really didn't like others getting the defense position.


_And this is why I shouldn't be left to daydream. Enjoy!_

Severus Snape And The Deflowering Of The Defence Teachers

Severus was in a slump. Again, once again he was denied the position of defence against the dark arts teacher. And he wasn't happy. How many years had he been applying for that position? How many times had he practically pleaded with Albus to let him teach it?!

Severus scowled at the floor. It wasn't fair! Curse that man and curse that class and curse that curse that was on that class!

A thought suddenly jumped into his head.

Curse. Because of that curse the position had to be filled year after year. Who knows who would walk through that door next? So really, what harm was there in having a little fun with them? After all, they would only be staying for a year.

Severus gave a shark like grin. He knew just what kind of "fun" he would have.

He resisted the urge to clasp his fingers together and say excellent.

_*First Year - Quirinus Quirrell*_

'S…S…Severus…w…w…what are y…you…d…doing?!'

Merlin that stutter was annoying! And the man positively reeked of garlic! And Severus wasn't going to bother questioning the turban, and what may lie underneath.

'What does it look like I'm doing?' he growled, pinning the man against the wall.

Urgh that garlic! An air freshening spell was needed before he even tried to remove clothing! Or maybe he could throw the man in a shower. Nah, too far away from his office for a shower, he'd just have to make do with spells and the breeze in the corridor.

Quirinus was little more than a quivering heap of jelly, he didn't even attempt to fight back. Wimp.

'Might as well relax, otherwise this will hurt' Severus half heartedly warned, lining himself up.

Any student who was wandering around this late at night could swear that they were hearing screams echoing from the maze of corridors in the dungeon. None of them were brave enough to bother investigating. Nor were any of them going to question the screams that followed the next night, and the next, and the next. A few older boys did wonder if perhaps the screams weren't of pain at all.

_*Second Year - Gilderoy Lockhart*_

Oh this was easy, just far too easy. He didn't even have to be subtle.

Gilderoy didn't know what hit him, one minutes be was being fawned over by his fans, the next he was getting dragged further down the castle, wondering if he would ever see the light of day again.

Severus grinned and threw the man into his office. Not one of the students tried to stop him, hell not one of the other staff members tried to stop him. Most of them were probably hoping he'd render the man down to potion ingredients. He was pretty sure Hagrid gave him a thumbs up as he passed with the whimpering blonde.

He didn't bother with pleasantries, just flicked his wand to remove bothersome clothing and carted the man over to his desk, bending him down and kicking his legs apart. At least this one didn't reek of garlic, though those beauty products were just as bad.

Gilderoy yelped, struggling to remove himself from the larger man. It didn't work.

'S…Severus…having some fun are we?' he tried to joke.

The smirk he was given made him ready to pee himself.

'That's right Lockhart, we're going to have lots of fun, for the rest of the year' Severus spoke, conjuring up some rope.

Gilderoy whimpered.

_*Third Year - Remus Lupin*_

'Um sir, you should probably watch out for Professor Snape. He doesn't really like the new defence teachers' Harry warned.

Remus smiled and ushered the boy out the class, rather amused that he should be warned of Severus of all people.

'Giving yourself quite the reputation, aren't you Severus?' he spoke quietly to himself with a chuckle.

The full moon had been a couple of nights before and he was more than ready for a nap. Yawning Remus headed down the corridor to his office. Stretching he opened the door and before he could work out what had happened he was on the floor with the door firmly closed and locked behind him.

'What the…?!' he grumbled, attempting to get up.

A firm hand pushed him back down, and a smirking face appeared above him.

'Severus?'

'Afternoon Lupin. I hope I'm not interrupting'.

Remus gave another tired attempt to move, then gave up and lay quietly.

'I suppose this is what Harry meant by watch out' he said with a faint grin.

'Indeed' Severus replied, hands trailing down to tug at clothing.

Tired he may be, Remus was quick to realise what was happening.

'Severus?!'

A spell held him in place as more of his clothing was removed. Remus fought with a growl, until another set of clothing falling to the floor made him stop.

'Stop drooling wolf' Severus scolded, pushing the other man's legs apart.

Remus found himself whining, actually whining!

'Oh Merlin!'

'Glad you approve. Now keep still. We have a long year ahead of us, and I'd rather not break you so early in the game'.

Remus thumped his head back on the hard floor as skilled hands completely undid him.

'Yes Severus' he whispered.

_*Fourth Year - Bartemius Crouch Jr*_

Severus really wasn't sure about this one. He didn't like Mad-Eye, and Mad-Eye didn't like him. Plus the man was a grizzly old bear and that did not sound very appealing.

Finding out that grizzly bear was actually Crouch Jr in disguise changed his mind. Getting the man to submit was another matter entirely.

'Getting your kicks outta this Snape?' Barty teased, tongue darting over his lips.

Severus growled and fought the other man to the ground, climbing over him with a triumphant smirk.

'Might as well submit'.

Barty laughed.

'You think I actually WANT to be on top!'

Severus blinked, then growled.

'Then why the HELL have you been fighting me this whole time?!'

The man below gave him a cheeky grin.

'Cause I like to fight! Now hurry up and do me! And don't bother being gentle, I want it to hurt! I want to limp for the rest of the year!'

A predatory grin crept up Severus' lips.

'As you wish'.

_*Fifth Year - Dolores Umbridge*_

'EWW! NO WAY IN HELL! NOT WITH A THIRTY…FORTY…A HUNDRED FOOT POLE!'

The toad like woman gave a cute pout, which made her look even more toad like. Severus locked himself in his office for the remainder of the year.

_*Sixth Year - Severus Snape*_

'Very well Severus, the positions is yours' Albus sighed.

Severus did a mental cheer and smugly walked to his new rooms as the new defence professor. The moment the door closed behind him he kicked off his shoes and made himself comfy on the couch.

'This is the life!'

*Three weeks later*

'What kind of life is this?!'

Severus paced his office furiously.

'More work! More hours! More brats! More homework! More trips to the hospital wing!'

He didn't just mean the students with that last one.

'What have I let myself into?! I want my old potions job back!'

He slumped down onto the cough with a growl, taking in a deep breath and closing his eyes.

'I suppose it could be worse…'

The feeling of ropes wrapping round him, and the sudden lack of protective clothing from the chill, made him reconsider.

'Hello Mr Defence Professor'.

Severus gave a mental eep, or perhaps an outward one. Oh no! Carefully cracking an eye open he came face to face with his new worst nightmare.

Dolores Umbridge. Naked. With a strap on.

'You didn't think you were leaving me out now, did you? We have so much time to get…acquainted' she sweetly spoke.

Severus screamed, he'd be doing that a lot this year.

_*Seventh Year - Amycus And Alecto Carrow*_

Severus sat in his new office, making a face at the clutter the previous occupant left behind.

'How did he ever find anything in here?!'

He shifted through the mess, giving a shudder when he came across an old paper with the toad woman's picture on the front page.

'May she burn in hell' he muttered, casting an incendio that was probably a bit too powerful for a simple newspaper. Made him feel better though.

A knock came at the door.

'Please don't tell me I've cursed myself to be forever haunted by a toad woman' he prayed as he cracked the door ajar.

'Evening headmaster'.

Oh thank Merlin, it was only the Carrow siblings.

'Good evening, what can I do for you?' he asked, standing back to allow them entrance.

The brother and sister duo gave each other a wicked smirk. Severus began to rethink his last statement.

'Oh, we were hearing some rumours'.

'Something about you having your wicked way with defence teachers'.

The smirks turned predatory as they finished together.

'We wondered why you haven't tried us yet'.

Severus blinked. Threesome?

'The previous positions were filled by idiots, they had to be put in their place. You two are far from idiotic'.

Alecto pouted.

'Aww. So does this mean you don't want some fun with us?'

Oh hell yes!

'I suppose…If you are agreeable to it' he spoke with a shrug.

The pair grinned and pounced. Hours later Severus idly wondered who the next year's defence professor would be. Amycus quickly stopped him thinking ahead, after all, he had the rest of this year to worry about.

_*Eighth Year – Harry Potter*_

'NOOOOOOOOOO!'

Harry blinked in confusion.

Man's finally gone mad he thought, leaving the distraught potions professor curled up in a ball while moaning no over and over again.


End file.
